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Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Saddest Happiness

Hours and hours of studying and stress.  Days and days of exhaustion and no social life.  Finally, the day has come where I have to take my EMT-B written exam.  My stomach was completely knotted and my hands were shaking as I approached the computer and carefully chose each answer.  One-Hundred and Fifty questions later, I've passed.  I'm able to relax and be happy with my classmates and practice our practical skills with ease now that the worst part is over.  I'm able to be happy and relieved that I passed.  Then class ends... I get in my car... and reality sets in once more.

I want to tell Ian...

I want more than anything in the world to call him right now and tell him that I passed my exam.  That I'm finally finishing the training he proudly watched me start a year ago.  That I'm finally moving forward with my life and really making something of myself.  I want to call him and tell him more than anyone in the world.  My heart is once again torn in half.  I don't want to move forward with life... not if Ian isn't here to tell me he's proud of me... It's as if so many of life's joys have been robbed out from under me because I don't have my best friend to share them with.  I want to tell Ian I passed my test... reality has hit me so hard once more.  It just doesn't make sense... this isn't how it's supposed to be... I am left, on one of the happiest and proudest days in my life, a broken down and crying mess on my floor... I just want my bruh bruh...

2 comments:

Adam Deleon said...

Bruh Bruh hears you and is proud of of for he lives in you. Your future and your successes are bourne of him.Have a Merry Christmas and remember he may not be physically present but he is with you.

Adam

Adam Deleon said...

http://theroadnow.wordpress.com/2011/12/18/find-me-within/