Saturday, November 24, 2012

The End of The Day

So many people say that the hardest part of losing someone is forcing yourself to get out of bed each and every morning. However, for me, that is the easy part.  For me, the hard part comes at the end of each and every day.  You fight through so many challenges throughout the day as you shed sweat, blood, and tears.  You laugh, you cry, you do what you have to do to fit a smile in here and there.  Then, the end of the day comes and you look back on everything you’ve done throughout the day, good or bad, easy or difficult, and time and time again you’re forced to realize one thing...

No matter what decisions you make
No matter how hard you push yourself
No matter what you do with your life

He isn’t coming back

You then close your eyes and, once again, cry yourself to sleep because sleeping is the only way to get through the darkness that comes with the night.  You cry, because you cannot follow.  You cry, because you still have to wake up the next day and fight through it and do everything you’ve always done to make him proud, but now you have to go to bed with the same dark realization as each night previous since you've lost him...

Loss and sorrow are a cold, dark, and miserable place and I wouldn’t wish them on anyone.  Some days are easier to smile than others.  I have amazing friends who support me and make it easier.  However, at the end of the day - no matter how much support, or laughter, or mini victories you have - it always ends with the same damn reality running through your head:

Your brother is dead.


Holiday season fricken sucks...

McConnell Out.

                                                                      Another day fought
Another inner war won
So gather up what’s left
The day is now done

Soft rain cascades down her cheeks
The thunder tears through her cries
Victory’s weight bears down on her shoulders
To give in is her demise

Another day fought
Another inner enemy defeated
So gather up the pieces
For tomorrow, this battle will be repeated
    (c) MEM 2012


Schadow said...

As a Marine and the friend of several Marines who came home but never really returned, I am grateful you are able to still express your feelings and stories.